The Maniac Cop trilogy; underrated Slasher flicks

        As far as I know, and I know very little, police brutality was a hot button issue in the late 80's early 90's...which I care very little about being that A. this is an uncultured swine article and B. thinking about news stuff takes up brain space that could be used for useful things like action figure pricing and how much beer money comes out of a 35 hour workweek. Never the less, the 'fuck da po-lease' attitude that was all the rage in the late 80's gave the Maniac Cop trilogy a good groundwork to showcase  its corny dialogue and overzealous use of red corn syrup. It does have an underlying critique on police corruption, the faulty criminal justice system and how we as law abiding citizens are at the mercy of the long arm of the law. The message is delivered subtly enough that even I (someone who usually wants no part of political statements in movies) enjoyed the films.
Maniac Cop
   

       When it comes to origin stories, the story of Matt Cordell becoming Maniac Cop is among the cheesiest. Playing out like the obligatory rape scene that dotted the landscape of prison dramas of the day with the added unf that could only come from a slasher movie. Horror movie fanboys also might enjoy BRuce Campbell as good guy cop character that is tormented by the Maniac Cop when he is framed for the murders that the crazed po-po commits. Definitely a creeper of a movie, it harkens to the days of media induced fears that make us city folk nervous, violent crime waves and errbody getting killt hide yo wife hide yo kids type shit. If Halloween brought the fear to the suburbs then Maniac Cop brought it to the city, and don't give me that Jason goes to New York bull shit. This definitely had better deaths and a much creepier slasher.
Maniac Cop 2
      Borrowing a page from Halloween II, Maniac Cop 2 picks up right after the end of the first movie, in fact it has the first five minutes or so of Maniac Cop just so you know that you are in fact watching the second installment. In this installment we see the murderous po-po team up with another serial killer in New York, finding his kindred spirit Maniac Cop pretty much acts as a security guard for the wouldbe serial strangler, killing amy police that are on his trail and busting him out of sticky situations if need be. This time we have Det. McKinney played by underrated actor Robert Davi hot on the heels of the strangler and Maniac Cop. Davi has an excellent look as a Detective, calling back to the rough-and-tumble noir Detectives of yester-year. Because this movie needs no back story(except the first five minutes) we are left with much more murder and gore than its predecessor, making this my favorite of the three films. Maniac Cop 2 has a very wrapped up ending leaving no loose ends that might need killing later. Unless a hand reaches out of the grave of the believed to be deceased Matt Cordell...
Maniac Cop 3;Badge of Silence
 

  Well fuck me running....a hand did reach out of the grave right before the credits rolled in the Maniac Cop 2. Having no fucks to give this time around Maniac Cop Cordell goes balls out on these mudafukas. Closer resembling the Terminator instead of a slasher.  This time around Maniac Cop has grown a heart, defending a falsely accused lady officer from attackers...definitely the out of character experience that most third installments are famous for. Also witness the return of Det. McKinney in all his noir detective goodness.Definitely recommended to fans of over the top b-movies, destroying a police station, killing countless officers, and a flaming maniac cop behind the wheel of an automobile?? YEah, you gots to watch this shit.
   I'm truly surprised that these films don't get as much attention as the major slasher franchises, the scares and gore are on par and at times much better than big names like Jason, Freddy and Chucky, with some pretty funny writing to boot. This trilogy definitely deserves a spot on the shelves of any self respecting gorehound and horror movie fan.

Cobra... Crime is a disease, He is the cure

In a Reagan era Los Angeles, the streets are running rampant with vermin. Crime is at an all time high, Police can’t do what is necessary for fear of backlash from the already wary public. Violent crime is a disease  and one man is the cure. One man is willing to do what is needed, but not wanted. He is no hero, just a  lone protector, a silent guardian, the dark kni– nah man its just Sylvester Stallone. Marion Cobretti, has unknowingly stumbled on the heels of a neo fascist group New Order whose core belief is that the weak should be killed leaving only the strong to rule the world. One faithful night, Ingrid(Nielsen) a very humble supermodel is witness to a violent crime at the hands of New Order’s leader. Trying to get this scumbag behind bars, they assign ‘Cobra’  to protect the helpless model, fleeing to the countryside somehow the New Order knows of their whereabouts and corners Cobra and his newly found woman in a factory where the obligatory final showdown must be held.

For regular people who often can’t enjoy the merits of a bad movie, definitely skip out on this one. This is exemplary B-movie affair, chalk full of one liners, unprovoked spasms of toughness displayed by the protagonist, and overzealous use of foul language and violence. The storyline is very predictable and at times very aware of itself. Using the tried and true Cop with an attitude that only plays by his own rules formula, the screenplay is ground breaking by no means. In spite of the nature of B-Movies I was expecting a little more consistency from the characters that Stallone created as a screenwriter

. What I mean by this is that, characters changed their personality at a moments notice for the sake of action or comedy. This left very stoic characters like Cobretti with some awkward screen time when they made jokes that didn’t seem to fit his persona at all. This would be understandable if he let the characters grow and became better or changed because of events of the film but as soon as he delivered the joke, Cobra was back to being a very serious police officer looking for justice and order.

The setting and tone were very film noir, making LA look like a bleak urban wasteland where crime runs rampant and Los Angeles is half skid row , half Beverly Hills. It certainly reflected the zeitgeist of the day, with the just captured Richard “Night Stalker” Ramirez fresh behind bars, the definite inspiration for the main antagonist of the film and social unrest in LA stemming from the heavy-handed LAPD and drug crimes in working class neighborhoods, Cobra was more social commentary than it is given credit for. In spite of its action movie guise Cobra had a lot to say about the current state of things.

The action was there, not to over the top but just enough to have you saying “hey, that wouldn’t reasonably happen in a similar situation in real life” but enough for you to know that it was an 80′s flick. The pace changed drastically after the opening scene, going from high stakes action and suspense to 30 or 40 minutes of story and character build up was a bad choice on the directors part. I became bored after the action of the opening credits, I couldn’t get back into it after people started dying in creative ways.Cobra comes recommended to those looking for an action movie with a little thought to it, but still doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Blood and Black Lace, a classy sort of slash flick

   Back when horror movies first made the transition from gothic castles and dusty dungeons to a place far more familiar, we began to dream up a more disturbing tale of terror. Man, our neighbor, hotel owners, schoolmates became a more terrifying notion to us than any pretend monster.  When the Slasher sub-genre first was thought up Hitchcock and Powell, these films retained a little class from the era that they were made in. The 1960's had higher standard for killing women, hardly a flash of skin, with the real focus on death and not sex...the misogyny remained, just a far more bloodier place.
      Slasher movies didn't always revolve around a group of scantily clad , barely legal girls and their idiot boyfriends, no,  at one point it was high society getting brutalized in these movies. This is where Blood and Black Lace comes in...
     Mario Bava's Blood and Black Lace takes place during a high class fashion week sort of thing. A masked shadowy figure takes it upon himself to kill fashion models in different and creative ways. The local police get involved along with a plucky and devilishly handsome police inspector, they are determined to find out just who-dunnit.
    Thats the thing I liked most about this slasher movie compared to others, Bava focused on the investigation, giving false clues, and misdirection every step of the way right up until the shadowy figure takes off the mask. The story kept me intrigued throughout, very well paced unlike movies of the era, where they allow quiet time between deaths for the remaining characters to truly assess the situation. Blood and Black Lace just kept piling on the sexy corpses. Each kill was new and creative and truly put you on edge, using lurking soundtrack and what I could only describe as mood lighting to more effectively light up those big brown eyes full of terror, wonder and flashing agony. Any true slasher film buff knows that true beauty is needed for a slasher film to be of high caliber, preferably a brunnette and pasty skinned beauty with big ol brown eyes with terror, agony, etc. etc....Blood and Black Lace does not let perverts down in this aspect. Taking the genre standard building an entire cast on it, those of you into the whole pinup classy sort of look, brace your panties...they will be soaked.
      Mario Bava's Blood and Black Lace comes recommended to those who love slasher films and/or classic movies, defintely a classier take on what's becoming the least classiest of film genres.  Also be ready to read, unless you speak fluent Italian(Eye-talian) because you will be hard pressed to find an English dub of this classic.

I Spit On Your Grave, Exploitation with a Message

     The real art in any B-Movie or grindhouse type flick, aside from the cheesy dialogue and the ability to make a bad-ass out of any protagonist, is the ability to take outlandish and improbable situations and using it as a jumping off point to greater social issue that could not be dealt with in any sort of conventional medium. For example Romero's Dead series spoke about civil rights, commercialism and the cold war in america, a host of blaxploitation films dealt with the ignored problems of inner city youth and most recently Django Unchained deals with America sweeping slavery under the rug and trying to ignore it. Granted, a lot (if not most) exploitation films are an exercise in pushing the envelope and getting cheap laughs out of gore and inappropriate actions, but once in awhile you get all those cheap laughs and a message on a hot button issue.

     I Spit On Your Grave(1978) is about a well-to-do writer who escapes to the countryside where she can find some peace and quiet to finish writing her novel. When she is targeted by a gang of local pervs and is gang raped by all of them. She then proceeds to go on what real-type movie reviewers would call a roaring rampage of revenge. Systematically hunting down everyone of her attackers and dealing out some vengeance. On merits of a Grindhouse movie its pretty average and at times a bit boring. The acting is usual B-movie fodder, the story is kinda thin and honestly for a b-movie some of the kill scenes were pretty tame by this bloggers desensitized standards, but this film is not to be watched for merely a "so bad its good" or for gore and scares.
               I Spit On Your Grave is meant to be taken in as a thought piece, taking a subject as serious and disgusting as rape and not sugar coating the subject. The raw power in the rape scene alone...even though it wasn't very outlandish by B-movie standards, was very real and very ugly. A rude awakening to the rape culture that has been cultivated not only in the U.S but in the whole ass-backwards world...at least when it comes to this area. The movie even takes the most common (and most ridiculous) justification for rape, the blaming of the victim and how any particular way of dressing "invites" any sort of abuse on the victim. The attacker gives that excuse, and the victim lets him get all his bullshit chauvinistic schpiel out , making him look like a coward and idiot...then she proceeds to rip off his dick and lets him bleed out as she listens on the other side of the door.
               Which leaves me a bit perplexed...how is it that exploitation cinema even back in the day is more empowering for blacks, gays, women and minorities? Maybe that explains societies unease at the sight of any kind exploitation, B-Movie or grindhouse movie. Maybe they are a bit too forward thinking for the socially retarded United states. Maybe you can keep this in mind next time you watch movies like Pink Flamingos, Faster Pussycat!Kill Kill, Dawn of the Dead and even Blacula....
        As far as I Spit On Your Grave goes...it comes very recommended for even for those just looking for cheap laughs and gore ridden violence.

   

Radar Men From the Moon, Realizing how good, bad can be

                 Going through my VHS collection like a drunkard feeling his way....through a VHS collection, I was looking for a little something to lull my heavy peepers into dreams of bacon kisses and pretty fat girls...When I stumbled across a tape i have not had the pleasure of having watched yet.

                  Commander Cody in Radar Men From the Moon; the box art looked promising enough. Fast(not to mention cool) looking rockets, spacemen that look like Scooby-Doo villains, and a alliterated protagonist with a flying suit. What more could you ask for... well, a lot actually. This is Commander Cody's premiere serial story, Serial stories are 15 to 20 minute TV shorts that usually come on once a day, they keep the audience coming back by leaving the protagonist in a life or death situation at the end of each short. Radar Men From the Moon introduces Commander Cody a scientist with a jet pack. Using his ability to fly and his snub nose he must foil the plans of an alien race from the moon, which are trying to take the earth because there own resources are depleting.
              When I began watching, I slowly sank into this depraved funk, growing to hate these characters more and more with each passing 15 minute episode. Ham-handed story development, over/under acting, cheesy dialogue, even cheesier special effects. This hate would seem unnatural  to anyone reading this here article or anyone that still has VHS in their daily media rotation. At the startling revelation that I was beginning to think like a person of good taste(God forbid) I proceeded to drink my beer faster.

                                  
     Upon my ingestion of the sweet nectar, I began to appreciate the finer exploits of any vintage Sci-Fi movie, lavishly polished ray guns, villains in ridiculous future clothing, heros in very unsafe space suits, pretty space ladies and brutishly choreographed half-boxing ,             half-wrastlin' fights that would make Papa Shatner proud. This series is dripping with moments that slip right past you with scientific inaccuracies, tongue in cheek comments and horri-bad special effects, my favorite of being when Ratik, the emperor of the moon divulges his evil plan to use the newly discovered atomic energy to enslave the human race, Commander Cody naturally responds..."thanks for summarizing the information". Writing like this and things like regular street thugs being hired by an alien race make this humble attempt at a Sci-Fi serial into one of the funniest things you can watch.
     Far from perfect, the trouble I had with this copy of the series is that they play the series in its entirety, which means the beginning and end credits are all present, along with a brief written summary. In addition each episode begins with the last couple minutes of the previous episode. Which might have been fixed on the DVD copy, but disc based movies are for the weak and girly men.
      It comes recommended to those looking for a retro movie that hasn't been over quoted on The Big Bang Theory,