Slumber Party Massacre "Trilogy", using the term all willy nilly

       One common trait among the overly excitable, anti-pop culture centric basement trolls(commonly known as nerds) is the uncanny ability to marathon any given movie franchise, television or video game series with only the help of over yellowed soft drinks and bare minimum hygiene.  This is ability becomes a curse(believe it or not) to those nerds who particularly enjoy the visceral and righteous art form that is the Slasher movie genre. Most of the time a horror will lose its UNF when the fat Hollywood pigs realize the money making potential of a decent horror title and churn out subsequent related films like so many Big Macs. This is where we get the origin stories, 3D titles, remakes, revamps and titles hitting double digits. IF done correctly some of these ain't half bad (Jason, Freddy and good ol' leather Face) but most of the time we end up with Saw 19 and Final Destination Christmas Carol. As a rule of thumb, when it comes to horror sequels the lower the budget the better the flick, so naturally... a campy trilogy of barely legal wide eyed brunettes getting drilled(heheheehe) seemed like a good way to spend a lazy Sunday.
     I find it a bit...misrepresented to call Slumber Party Massacre a Trilogy. Yes, there are 3 of them and they do share the same name...but I found that movies have little to do each other. That is not to say that these films are bad...or rather not entertaining. Each installment in the series adds a unique flavor to the trite gathering of scanty clad, 17 ish girls getting picked off one by one scenario.

 The Slumber Party Massacre

   What would a gathering of stupid teenagers be without a themed based killer on the loose? It would be Glee...but I digress. In this, our cherry popping installment in the Slumber Party series the killer targets the women of an average High School with his power tool arsenal, favoring his trusty power drill. When the girls varsity basketball team decide to have a slumber party, the Home Depot aficionado is not far behind with a really long extension cable en tow. This films satisfies that gore-craving just a smidgen, being on par with tame slashers like Halloween and Friday the 13th. The dialogue is memorable and has the "so bad its good" thing that the kids keep going on about. It tosses aside the "who dunnit?" by showing you the killer while the credits are still rolling. This guy has no motive to kill, he merely enjoys it which is a much more disturbing thing than a killer with a purpose. Not vastly original but its nice to see a movie not relying on this trope. The acting or rather the eye candy, sorry that's what it is...are good at conveying the hopeless feeling of being trapped in a wide open house. The deaths are alright but nothing to write home about. Over all a pretty entertaining hour and change of 80's slasher goodness.

Slumber Party Massacre II

In the second installment we follow the sister of the sole survivor of the first movie. She is dealing with recurring nightmares of a killer she never saw in the first place. It is a stretch but this might be the only thing that connect the two films, lest I forget the high-light reel of the first movie playing during the opening credits. The aforementioned younger sibling is off to a far away condo where her and her girlfriends(who are in a band) are gonna have a slumber party in order to practice for an upcoming school dance. Our protagonist suffers from visions and nightmares that seem to come true, hold on a sec the infringement train doesn't stop there. The slasher is a seemingly supernaturally powered smart mouth with a knack for killing women in very creative and outlandish ways. Sound familiar? The writer thought so too, adding side characters named Kruger and Craven, seemingly an attempt to kinda debunk copying, make it seem like a homage to Freddy Kruger.The killing is done by a smart mouthed every man that cracks wise and uses each teens "subtly" mentioned fears to kill them, making each kill that much more unique, although ultimately they get stabbed by a drill, it just so happens that its at the end of an elaborate electric guitar. The second installment takes a much cruder stab at story telling, focusing more on the scantily clad ladies and raunchy humor, a stark contrast to the brutal realism of the series. Aside from copying Nightmare on Elm Street, this movie is alright, its worth mentioning that this is my least favorite of the three. 

Slumber Party Massacre III

If the first installment was like Halloween and part 2 like Nightmare on Elm Street, then the third is more like Sleep Away Camp. Taking it back to basics, it could be considered a remake of sorts, having nothing to do with the first two. We follow a group of teenage girls after a hard day of beach volleyball, they decide to have a sleep over shindig. Naturally, their sexually frustrated male counter parts show up uninvited to try to catch a glimpse pf the naughty ongoings that will no doubt unfold in the lonely suburban home.  Murder and boob exposure ensue. III takes the formula from the first installment and reinvigorates it with the added "who dunnit?" aspects that are a genre staple. This time around the killer is given motivation, at the risk of spoiling what is an uncommonly good story, I will delve no further. The death seem to fall 'tween the first and second installment, as far as gore goes. Each kill is very brutal, but not  over saturated with red corn syrup. A tasteful visceral romp into the death of unsuspecting teens. This is by far my favorite of the three, like a tune up to the first movie, actually doing it right this time around with proper story, characters and suspense. a definite must watch for lovers of the genre.

        All together the three movies seldom make a reference to one another, that is the charm to this misguided trilogy, each installment has its own feel and flavor. This makes it ideal for marathon, themes never get old, deaths are creative and unique all the way through and the incredi-bad writing will give you some deep belly laughs.

Opium and the Kung Fu master...junky monks!!!!

Tieh is the Kung Fu champion of the village, people respect and fear him, his word is law, but only a his most trusted students know of his terrible secret, the Shaolin master is addicted to opium. When a shady business man and his kung fu master body guards come to the humble village to get rich off the addictive substance by opening up a popular opium den. It is up Tieh to stop the exploitation of his village by this shady business man, but will he be able to kick this terrible (although, at times, hilarious) habit long enough to fight off these dastardly fiends???

Most of the time in period piece Kung Fu flicks, we see the use of drugs or special tea or alcohol as a plus, an inner demon that can be harnessed in order to deliver some sort of unblockable punch or as a means to withstand incredible amounts of pain. Opium and the Kung Fu Master strays far from this tired trope. The message is too in your face for me, it would have made the movie more enjoyable without the message. The story building dialogue was reminiscent of old public service announcements here in the US, if it was meant to be taken seriously it failed, the serious message came off very comical, even during the more heinous double homicide/ double suicide scene, i couldn’t help but laugh at the misfortunes of the cross-eyed poor sap. Side note: when time traveling to imperialistic China be weary of cookies, they apparently look and taste a lot like rat poison.

That is far more than I should ever write about the plot of a Kung Fu movie, we aren’t here for the drama and high-grade acting. No, we require poorly dubbed hitting sounds, various weapons and fighting styles,  long fight scenes and cackling mustachioed  villains. Being a Shaw Bros studio production, Opium and the Kung Fu master delivers on all fronts, although I would have opted for less after school special and more of the mustachioed fellas. The heroes and villains are very colorful and dramatic, the supporting cast is full of funny characters and good filler footage. A highlight for me was the token blind kung fu teacher, the actor did a horrible job of portraying and vision  impaired man but that might be a positive for the movie.  There was maybe two or three different kung fu styles but they make up for it with the weapons and sword play. The standard sword and fighting pole are present but they also dust off the rarely used double short spear. My favorite fight scene had to be ‘tween the fighting pole and double spear. The film could have used a little more of the aforementioned kung fu movie staples for me to give it a ‘must watch’ recommendation but give it a try if you are looking for some laughs between badly placed punching sounds.

Mad Monkey Kung Fu; Goin ape-shit the feature film

          I have it pretty much set in my mind that almost by definition a Kung Fu movie can't be bad...just different grades of how good it is. Sort of like blowjobs and beer, one can not (in good conscience) turn down a cold one, that goes double for felatio.  I mean, they all will do but you come off as stuck up and snobby once you start talking about the differences of IPA and the proper usage of teeth...what was I talking about? Ahh yes.... martial arts movies are all good in my book. Even through layers of bad dialogue (if you prefer dub to sub), illogical plot twist, and the bad quality of movies when translated to DVD or Blu-ray or what have you. Having said that, let us get into just how good Mad Monkey Kung Fu is...
    Mad Monkey Kung Fu starts off with a obligatory style showcasing that Shaw Bros are famous for. Monkey Fist style is one of the more fluid and comical styles of fighting, Chen and his sister perform this style at the local theatre... naturally it draws the attention of the local hood leader, Boss Tuan. Tuan then tricks the monkey master and his sister into having dinner with him, through his trickery...and booze, he manages to frame Chen for seducing his lady. Punishment is crippling of his precious hands and the enslavement of Chen's s sister as Boss Taun's concubine. Chen forgets about his Monkey Style and takes to the streets as a street performer. On the streets, he takes a young pickpocket named Monkey under his wing. I know what you're saying now...surely Monkey will have no interest in learning the masters forgotten MONKEY style. Well you would be wrong and stupid...frankly I am surprised you can read this article.
     Not exactly a new formula, Mad Monkey Kung Fu isn't too heavy on the story, it is carried by  the awesome fights choreographed by Director Chia-Liang Liu(Lau Kar Leung), famous for The Legend of Drunken Master, and The 36th Chamber of Shaolin. The Monkey Fist style is shown in single hand to hand, two vs one, one against many and in training sequences. Kar Leung and his pupil Hsiao Ho(Monkey) show a true mastery of the style, shining on screen while performing their hard hitting and acrobatic ballet, mixing in more rigid and static stanced fighting styles(not including snake style) to better illustrate the fluid movements of Monkey fist. Choices like this and a true knowledge of various styles makes Lau Kar Leung my favorite choreographer and director of the martial art genre. 
   The story does pick up mid-movie, making a smooth transition from comical to dramatic, a move seldom made seamlessly as this. Killing of innocent monkeys can to that plot line. The revenge aspect takes center stage but the gags that were there from the get remain all the way through, adding small notes of rose to a very dark story.
  My only gripe with the flick, mind you it's not a big one, is that the other styles take back seat to monkey fist style...I would like to at least see one style that acted as it's direct opposite, guess there wasn't enough room for just one more tired Kung Fu tired trope.
  In spite of its lack of variety, Mad Monkey Kung Fu comes recommended to all because of the choreography and comedy stylings of Lau Kar Leung...Mad Monkey Kung Fu is heavy on the fighting, light on the fighting styles.  

Room 237...delve deeper into the mind of a genius

      Going back and watching the films of Stanley Kubrick I always found myself perplexed, not knowing exactly what I had just got down watching. Movies like A Clockwork Orange,2001; a Space Odyssey, and Eyes Wide Shut always seem to have an undertone that delves into the realm of the macabre, conspiracy theory and other weird shit that you delve into late into the night under a bare lightbulb while click clacking away at a typewriter. Most of Kubrick's filmography have abrupt endings, the protagonist lack any real sense of closure...at least in the conventional film sense. You experience a set of finely tuned images, put in precise points to convey a certain emotion or an underlying theme that most of his film have, terrible tragedy, the looming past, and an overwhelming sense that there is something there...right beneath the curtain, Kubrick seems to allude to a greater evil, ever vigilant in its slight of hand ways.
     Room 237, is a documentary that delves into the aforementioned subliminal messages. More specifically the messages in the film which is arguably Kubrick's magnum opus; The Shining.  Following its '80 release, The Shining was followed by bad reviews, citing that it was hardly a horror movie and that it tossed aside the incredible source material. But still...certain people remained awestruck, noticing small clues left by Kubrick as to what the movie was really about. Room 237 interviews a handful of these people, and let me tell you this gets all kinds of bat shit crazy, getting into genocide, Freudian topics, and even the faking of the '69 moon landing. Most of this would have you signing this off as a paranoid hour long special that plague basic cable, but no. These points are backed up by some well thought out theories and observations that have been rattling in these peoples brains the 1980 release of The Shining. The selling point for me was the breakdown of certain key scenes in the film, every little detail meticulously planned by the grand master himself. Like most of the initial reviews I thought that the film was lacking in the horror department, but the analysis of the film changed that at least with me...the subliminal message kinda creeped me out, they slipped under my radar...now they are blaring. Room 237 changed the way I look at Kubrick's Films and movies in general.
         This is movie should be watched by Kubrick fans yes...but more importantly by those of you who love films and have any remote interest in becoming a filmmaker.

I Spit On Your Grave, Exploitation with a Message

     The real art in any B-Movie or grindhouse type flick, aside from the cheesy dialogue and the ability to make a bad-ass out of any protagonist, is the ability to take outlandish and improbable situations and using it as a jumping off point to greater social issue that could not be dealt with in any sort of conventional medium. For example Romero's Dead series spoke about civil rights, commercialism and the cold war in america, a host of blaxploitation films dealt with the ignored problems of inner city youth and most recently Django Unchained deals with America sweeping slavery under the rug and trying to ignore it. Granted, a lot (if not most) exploitation films are an exercise in pushing the envelope and getting cheap laughs out of gore and inappropriate actions, but once in awhile you get all those cheap laughs and a message on a hot button issue.

     I Spit On Your Grave(1978) is about a well-to-do writer who escapes to the countryside where she can find some peace and quiet to finish writing her novel. When she is targeted by a gang of local pervs and is gang raped by all of them. She then proceeds to go on what real-type movie reviewers would call a roaring rampage of revenge. Systematically hunting down everyone of her attackers and dealing out some vengeance. On merits of a Grindhouse movie its pretty average and at times a bit boring. The acting is usual B-movie fodder, the story is kinda thin and honestly for a b-movie some of the kill scenes were pretty tame by this bloggers desensitized standards, but this film is not to be watched for merely a "so bad its good" or for gore and scares.
               I Spit On Your Grave is meant to be taken in as a thought piece, taking a subject as serious and disgusting as rape and not sugar coating the subject. The raw power in the rape scene alone...even though it wasn't very outlandish by B-movie standards, was very real and very ugly. A rude awakening to the rape culture that has been cultivated not only in the U.S but in the whole ass-backwards world...at least when it comes to this area. The movie even takes the most common (and most ridiculous) justification for rape, the blaming of the victim and how any particular way of dressing "invites" any sort of abuse on the victim. The attacker gives that excuse, and the victim lets him get all his bullshit chauvinistic schpiel out , making him look like a coward and idiot...then she proceeds to rip off his dick and lets him bleed out as she listens on the other side of the door.
               Which leaves me a bit perplexed...how is it that exploitation cinema even back in the day is more empowering for blacks, gays, women and minorities? Maybe that explains societies unease at the sight of any kind exploitation, B-Movie or grindhouse movie. Maybe they are a bit too forward thinking for the socially retarded United states. Maybe you can keep this in mind next time you watch movies like Pink Flamingos, Faster Pussycat!Kill Kill, Dawn of the Dead and even Blacula....
        As far as I Spit On Your Grave goes...it comes very recommended for even for those just looking for cheap laughs and gore ridden violence.

   

Suspiria, Witches be hating

 

 
If I learned one thing in my many years of watching horror movie aimlessly into the wee hours, it’s that most of the time “good”American horror movies are “highly influenced” by foreign movies. I use quotations lavishly to protect my ass from the internet backlash from my “many” readers. Recently, the plague of one word titles from Japan at the box office has had me sticking to the subtitled counterparts from years prior. I blame this solely on one particular film from Italy from decades ago, highly influential in its subject matter, use of camera, colors and lights and that creepy music. Dario Argento’s Suspiria heavily influenced movies like Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Shining and Nightmare on Elm St.  Before I delve further, I recommend to watch it unlubricated, as the saying goes. Horror films have a better impact when you  don’t know what to expect, just know it is one of Papa Rex’s favorite movies of all the time, not just of the horror genre.

Suzy, the cute big-eyed American teen finds herself  in Freiburg, a small German town famous for both its prestigious school of ballet and fits of sudden monsoon rain. When she arrives at the school for the first time she is turned away, while leaving, Suzy sees a young women running out of the school in terror, fleeing into the dark forest. As Suzy’a cab pulls away she sees the scarred girl fade into the dense forest. The next day when she is let in to her new school, Suzy witnesses several unsettling events happen, things of an occult nature, missing students, night terrors, sudden plague of maggots and the eerie breathing of an unknown sleeping figure behind a curtain.

Suspiria uses colors, shapes and symmetry to paint a horrific picture in your head and leave it there long into the night. The strong visuals and lurking musical number will leave you unsettled from start tot finish, really feeling the terror of those haunted by…whatever it is that lives in the bowels of the school. The writing and pacing of the film is done well, what this means for horror flicks is that there is a constant state of anxiety the spaces between build up and kill scene are just right, there is never a “come on just kill the bitch” feeling that most slasher films are famous for. Like any good slasher movie, it must be filled with believable terrified women, Suspiria is no slouch. Filled to the brim with scantily dressed, pasty skinned teenage girls with big brown eyes, which I find better convey a look of utter terror.

Dario Argento’s Suspiria is an overlooked genre staple, wich is a damn shame because it so clearly influences the who’s who of horror movie directors. Get your hands on this classic and find out exactly what you have been missing.